Umm...Oh My...

The funny part about today is that I really didn't think I was going to have anything to write about...and in the last 20 minutes I got a phone call from Dr. Hickey's office, and that kinda changed...

Today's appointment was pretty normal. I went in once again at 8:00am had my blood draw and then had my normal ultrasound. Right now we are monitoring the thickness of my lining; when it gets thick enough they'll do the biopsy. Today my lining was at a 6. My nurse, Amy, said that they like it to be around a thickness of 10 (I'm not sure what the units would be) So, we have a little ways to go. She said that my biopsy probably won't be for a couple of weeks. I need to take the Delestrogen for at least another week and then I'll swap the Lupron injection out for the Progesterone injection. Knowing that my body doesn't really respond to things like it is supposed to I asked Amy what happens if my lining doesn't grow. She said that Dr. Hickey would most likely increase the dosage of my Delestrogen shot. The injections/medications are now controlling what my body is doing, so I guess it is nice that we can just play around with them until we get the result we want!

I was out of there and on my way to Starbucks by 8:10!

Thanks to my friend, Katie, for meeting me for a delicious Carmel Macchiato, and I'm so sorry Momma that you weren't feeling well enough to meet us. We missed you!

Amy just called from Dr. Hickey's office while the Comcast guy was here and she left a message that said, "Rachel, please call me back, I have a couple of things to explain to you." Hmmm...a couple of things to explain to me? I already know how to give the shots, so I'm thinking that maybe we're increasing the dosage like she had explained to me this morning.

I called back and no, we are not increasing the dosage. We are adding an additional medication, one that I don't have yet. Now, just a heads up about the rest of this blog...this may get into some things that some of you really don't want to know about....

Alright here we go...

So, this new medication is not taken orally...and it is not injected...umm....it is inserted. Get my drift???

Oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm even telling you guys. A few of the girls at my Yoga for Fertility class told me about these types of meds and to be honest all I thought was...ewww!

My estradiol (estrogen) level is still low. What happens is that the Delestrogen that I am currently taking by injection is metabolized by the liver and is metabolizing too quickly. Dr. Hickey wants the med to stay in my body longer so that my estrogen level increases to the level we need for a successful donor egg transfer. The new med will do the trick and allow my estradiol level to increase to the level we need. Remember, this is all in preparation to see how my body reacts to these medications - it is a trial run - that way when we begin the actual donor process with Mackenzie, we'll know exactly what to expect. In that case, it's all worth it, don't ya think?!

My medication calendar continues to fill up....I'm not sure we can fit any more in! This new medication will be taken every night before bed. Sounds like fun, doesn't it!? I promise I will not take any pictures of me "taking" this one!

Ya know, you just have to laugh at all of this! I just shake my head and laugh.

Here are some pictures of our weekend. We went to a party for one of our high school friends, Bill Zigman. He is in the National Guard and is headed back to Iraq.

Brian & Dominic Valvano

me & Dom's wife, Adrienne
They are expecting their baby boy in July!

Waubonsie Warrior Wrestlers all grown up!
Brian, Dominic, Bill Zigman & Terry Garbis

The Witko's!

Thank you to everyone who continues to follow our journey!
We love you!

Spring Break has Finally Arrived!

After having quite the week at school...hmm...let's see...I was kicked, hit, and yelled at this week, I couldn't be any more excited that Spring Break has arrived. It's funny that it always seems to come at the right time in the year when we all are needing it...and by "we" I mean the kids AND the teachers.

I joined some school friends at Buffalo Wild Wings (BDubs) for a much needed beer after school and then Brian and I went to our friends, The Bea's, house for pizza and to watch the NCAA games. Tim & Stephanie are due in July with their baby boy! Here are a couple of pictures of our visit, doesn't Stephanie look great!?

Here's Maggie kissing her favorite Aunt!

Mackenzie called me to let me know that she'll be going in this week again for some blood work. At her first appointment they found that she also had an elevated Thyroid level, surprise, surprise! They put her on the same meds that I am on (just a smaller dosage) and told her that she should come back in a month. So, on Wednesday she is going in for a quick blood draw to make sure that her body is responding to the dosage she is currently taking. Mack is keeping track of her cycle right now, just so that way when we get closer we'll be better able to map out our date for when we begin the process.

I will be in on Monday again for my weekly appointment. Too bad I didn't think about it beforehand, but my appointment is at 8:00am on Monday morning - during my Spring Break! What the heck was I thinking! Anyone up for meeting for Starbucks? Mom? Katie, my Interventionist Best Friend? Give me a call, I'll be up in the Hinsdale area until about 8:30am.

All in all, so far, this process has been pretty smooth. I received another "gift" this week. Once again a nice big box on our front porch....more meds. I took pictures of it because it was just too funny. It was a big box and then inside was a big white foam cooler, like one we would take to Notre Dame to tailgate! Then inside the cooler was this small box of medication. It obviously needed to stay cool, but couldn't they find a smaller box? I should probably send a thank you for the cooler though...

Another Monday Update!

My sisters and I. From the left: Lizzie, Me, Mackenzie, and Kristen

It's Monday and than means that once again I had a doctor appointment for a check up of blood work and my weekly ultrasound. I have a standing appointment with Dr. Hickey for Mondays at 8:00am, which is the first appointment of the day. The past couple of weeks, Dr. Hickey has been getting later and later in arriving, which at times really ticks me off because there is a reason why I need the 8:00am appointment. The bell rings at 8:55am at school and it takes me atleast 30 minutes to get there from Hinsdale (on a good day). If he is late than that means I'm late.

Today was a totally different story...as usual they brought me back right when I got there at 7:55am. The nurse took my blood - poking me right in my nice bruise that is forming on my arm. I had my book with me (I'm learning to be prepared for the wait!) and she told me that I wasn't going to need it. I thought, there is NO way Dr. Hickey is here already....and I was right...they now have an ultrasound tech that does the ultrasounds! The new girl did her thing and I was out of the office and calling Brian at 8:10am! It was record timing. I thought - heck - I could stop for coffee now! (Joan, if you are reading this, I did not stop for coffee, I came right to school!)

My ultrasound went well. My lining is growing and my ovaries are inactive - exactly what we want. They said that next week we'll schedule my biopsy and review the new injections that will begin. I believe I will stop the Lupron and begin Progesterone in Oil (which is another butt shot) but I'll know better next week. The timing works out perfect for me because next week is my Spring Break, so hopefully we'll be able to schedule my biopsy for during that week.

My blood work also came back fine. My estrogen level was 325. I don't really know what that means, but they said it was good, so I'm happy.

Dr. Paloyan's office (Endocrinologist) also called and left me a message this afternoon that my blood work came back just fine. They said that I should stay on the same medication that I'm currently taking. Dr. Paloyan doesn't need to change it. They also said that they would forward the information on to Dr. Hickey. Although I really didn't like Dr. Paloyan's bedside manner, I do like that my two doctors are staying in touch and keeping one another informed.

So, if everything is just fine then why did they have to scare me with the tumor talk? Oh well...Thank God everything is okay and we don't have to worry about that right now!

The Milazzo Clan: Brian, me, Mom, Dad, Lizzie and Brian
Mackenzie and Kristen
This is obviously before Brian & I lost all of our weight,
for those of you who don't know,
Brian has lost 24lbs and I have lost 13lbs!!!

Another Day, Another Doctor, Another Dollar...

Here is me & my lil sis, Mackenzie, at our Annual Fourth of July Family Outing to Arlington Race Track. Isn't it a great picture? I love you Mackie! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

So Here's the Latest...

Dr. Hickey referred me to an Endocrinologist, Dr. Paloyan, because my Thyroid level is still out of control. My Thyroid is overworking itself and getting destroyed in the process. I already take a daily med (Levoxyl) to help lower it, but as of 2/19/09, my Thyroid levels still weren't low enough. So, over to Dr. Paloyan I go!

Before I continue....I have been diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. Hashimoto's Thyroiditis is a type of autoimmune thyroid disease in which the immune system attacks and destroys the thyroid gland. The thyroid helps set the rate of metabolism, which is the rate at which the body uses energy. Hashimoto’s stops the gland from making enough thyroid hormones for the body to work the way it should. It is the most common thyroid disease in the U.S. It is also genetic. My sister, Lizzie, was diagnosed when she was in college along with her Addison's Disease.

Okay...so....yesterday was my first appointment with Dr. Paloyan and I didn't really know what to expect. When I arrived I realized that I was the youngest patient by about...oh...lets say...40-50 years! Every other patient was considerably older than I. Too be honest what came to my mind was that at the moment my reproductive organs were about as old as theirs! :(

First, I had an ultrasound of my neck. I preferred this ultrasound to the ones I usually have :) Then, I waited about 30 minutes until they called me in to talk to the doctor. Thank goodness I brought my book, because then I probably waited another 20 minutes for Dr. Paloyan to come in and talk to me.


Here is a picture I took of me waiting for Dr. Paloyan...that's my book on the desk :) Now that I'm a "blogger" I bring my camera everywhere! I didn't think Dr. Paloyan would be up for a photo op with me...hmm...maybe next time!

Anyways...so Dr. Paloyan came in with my ultrasound pictures and my information from Dr. Hickey and he started right in. He told me that I have a small tumor (yes, he used the word tumor!) on my left side and a larger one on my right...umm...a tumor?...what!... He also told me that I have a lot of scar tissue on my Thyroid. He continued to question me about the meds I was taking, he wanted to make sure that I was taking them correctly and that they were real thing and not a generic. Thank goodness I brought my prescription - because he even opened it up to look at the pills. Dr. Paloyan is quite old. He has a very "old school" demeanor...he pretty much came in the room told me matter of factly what was going on and then that was it.

He gave me a couple of free boxes of Levoxyl, my current Thyroid medication. He told me not to refill my prescription. He wants to see how my blood work comes back and then we'll move on from there. Then, he told me he'll see me in 10 months, which isn't until January 2010.

Now, I'm not sure anyone else did this but...I froze at the word TUMOR.

After talking to my mom & dad, I realized that I needed a few more answers about what the heck is going on with me. The only positive thing was that if the "tumor" was that bad would he really wait 10 months until he saw me again???

I called Dr. Paloyan to discuss these findings a bit further. The word tumor (although its connotation is not very favorable) actually just means "swelling". I have a small swelling on my left side and a larger swelling on my right side. I can't help but think "IF IT IS JUST A SWELLING WHY ARE YOU USING THE WORD TUMOR???!!!!" The reason I have so much scar tissue is because my thyroid is currently being destroyed by the Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. He also said that we will work on lowering the levels with the medication and as long as we keep an eye on it then it will not affect pregnancy. But, it will be something that we'll have to keep a close eye on especially when I get pregnant this summer!

Drama, Drama, Drama...why can't I just go to a doctor and get good news for once?

Why do I keep taking one step forward and then four steps back?

"God, you're weird!"

I just want to say thank you to everyone who follows my page and leaves me comments. It really means a lot to me to have so much support from my friends and family. I look forward to keeping you all updated on our journey and I can't wait until that day....oh, you know what day I'm talking about!

LOVE YOU ALL!

There's a First Time for Everything...

This morning at 8:00am I had another doctor appointment with Dr. Hickey for an ultrasound and blood work. If you remember, I was also toting my bag of questionable syringes. When I arrived I heaved the bag on the counter asking the nurse what she thought and just like I had suspected, I was right...well...kinda. I was right in thinking that they were not the ones that would be used to inject the med into my body...but...they would be used. HUH???

Let me just start off by saying that the prescription company/plan that my school district and insurance company uses has not impressed me so far. But, what can you do? Thank goodness for the stocked up pantry at doctor's offices! Sue, one of my nurses, made sure that I would not run out of needles - ever.

My ultrasound went fine. Dr. Hickey said that we aren't worried about what the ovaries are doing because the Lupron (my current daily injection) is shutting down the part of my endocrine system that controls my ovaries. Right now it all looks good. But, I will be going in every Monday morning for the next 3 weeks in order for Dr. Hickey to keep an eye on things.

Tonight Brian had to administer our first IM injection (intramuscular). Really this just means that it is the first time that he has to inject a med into my butt. I was freaking out all day. For some reason I didn't feel prepared for this injection. I was second guessing everything about it. My friend, Katie agreed that I should just call the doctor and run through it one more time. I think her favorite line was: "So, then he injects it into the meaty part of my butt?!"

When Brian got home it was go time. I first gave myself the Lupron injection. Then it came time for the big dog. First we had to draw the needle up to 0.2cc, then push it into the Delestrogen bottle and push out the air. Then bring the bottle upright and pull out 0.2cc of the med. THEN, unscrew the huge needle and replace it with the "butt friendly" needle. Yes, those are the words they use! Let me tell you it was definitely more butt friendly than the first one! The needle is all set to go so, I wipe the "meaty" area (which was not hard to find!) with the alcohol pad and Brian begins to get ready to stab it in and then all of a sudden I just freak out. I start yelling at him to not just stab me with it and to go slow. Then, of course, the flood gates open and I start to cry. Can I be any more sensitive! He hadn't even done anything yet! Brian, the best husband there is, calms me down and then we get ready to try it again. This time I'm fine and he slowly injects the Delestrogen into my butt - sorry to be so forward! It didn't hurt at all - which then made me even more embarrassed that I cried. I'm such a baby! I'm sure I'll be much better on Thursday for Round #2. We'll continue to do the Monday/Thursday thing for the next couple of weeks.

Check out my pictures of the event: ***disclaimer...if you get squirmy by the sight of needles (Brad) you may not want to look at some of these...

Here are the meds and the suspicious bag of needles I was sent from my prescription company.

Here are all of the needles my nurse, Sue, hooked me up with.
I'm not sure the picture does it justice, what do you think Tricia and Katie?

Here's my "stash"!

Needle #1 - this is my Lupron needle...it is hard to tell but it is small

Injection #1 - Lupron

See the difference?? Here is the big dog...this is the Delestrogen injection needle...wowza!

My amazing husband and main injecter, Dr. Brian Witkowski

Tough angle, but here is Brian administering injection #2,
I obviously stopped crying long enough to take this picture!

Wow, What a Process...

Here is Brian and I the morning of our first IUI...
...funny how we thought, this is going to be it!!!

Brian and I at Hinsdale Hospital, right before my Polyp Surgery.


Mom & Dad came too.
I am very lucky to have the best, most supportive parents in the world!

I was ready to get the heck out of there...

The Donor Egg Process is quite amazing. I just can't believe what they can do to synch our cycles and seemlessly transfer her egg to me.

Before we begin the whole process, we want to make sure that I'll be able to hold the baby, since that is the one thing we don't know yet. I have to first complete a biopsy cycle. Really what that means is that I'm going to do a trial run of the whole process and then Dr. Hickey will take a biopsy of my lining to make sure that it is prepared to receive Mackenzie's egg. It's a 7 week process.

Back on February 14th, my cycle began and so did the meds. I began taking birth control (it always makes me laugh that they put you on birth control when you're trying to have a baby) and I took it for 19 days. On March 2nd I went in again for another ultrasound and blood draw and then began injections of Lupron. I forget what all of this is supposed to do exactly, but essentially they will get my body to the point where they can turn on and turn off my cycle as needed. That way when it comes time to complete the transfer, they can match my cycle up directly with Mackenzie's. Pretty Cool!

I arrived home after school on Friday to a big box on our front porch. It turned out to be a big box of more meds....great! In this box contains a new sharps container - which is good, because my other one is getting full :) - it also contained four boxes of injections - wowza! Our fridge is starting to look like a pharmacy. It also contained the biggest bag of syringes I think I have EVER seen and too be honest I think the awesome pharmacy that I'm now dealing with got the size of the syringes wrong, because the needles on these suckers are HUGE! They make me very nervous. I'm going to take them with me to my appointmen tomorrow morning and see what the heck is going on, I'm really hoping they got the size wrong.

So, right now that is all that is really going on...in order to begin preparing my body I'm just taking a bunch of medications. Pretty boring.

Mackenzie has been in the office just to begin blood work that way they can get some baseline data. Otherwise she hasn't started any of her process yet.

So...Where Do I Begin???

I've been wanting to start my own blog for awhile now. My friend Katie and my sister, Kristen have both been urging me to start one. I have a bunch of friends who have joined the blogging world due to the recent arrival of their new baby and to be honest, I guess that is why I have been putting off starting my own...I was really just waiting to jump on the baby blog bandwagon. But, now I'm starting this blog for different reasons, reasons I never thought.

Brian & I made the decision to begin trying for a baby in February of 2007. Month by month nothing happened and by August I really started to get nervous. I thought that it was supposed to be MUCH easier than this...don't you just stop birth control and then get pregnant? Isn't that what we were taught in 6th grade sex ed? I began research on my own, I was reading every book imaginable, taking my temperature every morning, spending tons of money on ovulation tests, and taking more notice in things that are just way to embarrassing to talk about! I did it all and still there was nothing...

In January of 2008 I decided to seek the advice of my OB. She told me that since it had been about a year that I should just make an appointment with an Infertility Doctor; that he would be able to best help us. So, of course I got right on it...I talked to a friend who referred us to the Hinsdale Center for Reproduction. My appointment to meet with Dr. Hickey was made for February 12.

Here is a quick rundown of how the past year has gone....

March 2008 - I have a HSG (hysteropalpingogram) and find that my fallopian tubes are clear. Brian has his test and we find out that he is more than fine...his count is THROUGH THE ROOF! Yes, he is very proud of that! I find out that my Thyroid is out of whack and so is my Prolactin Level, so I'm now taking meds daily to take care of them.

April 2008 - Begin first cycle of Clomid, continue to try naturally

May 2008 - First Corpus Luteum found during an ultrasound, which means we have to skip this cycle, UGH!

June/July 2008 - Begin second cycle of Clomid (enter Evil Rachel) and on July 1st we had our first Intrauterine Insemination (IUI)...this round was unsuccessful...I found that my stress level was beginning to get out of control, so I enrolled in a Yoga For Fertility class.

August/September 2008 - Dr. Hickey and staff don't have a clue why we aren't getting pregnant so we decide to throw everything we can into these next two months. I first began on birth control to start regulating my periods, then on my next cycle I began my third cycle of Clomid, (Crazy Rachel ensues) I also begin injections of Follistim daily (for 4 days) and then a trigger shot of Ovidrel the night before our second IUI. We find out that we can take advantage of my cycle timing and will need to come in again the next day for our third IUI....both unsuccessful :(

October 2008 - We find in an ultrasound that I have developed a polyp...could this be why nothing is working??? Surgery scheduled for Nov. 6.

November 2008 - Surgery goes fine, everything looks great...Dr. Hickey tells Brian & my mom and dad that the next thing to be in there will be a baby...wow was he ever wrong...We find out that on my next Day 3 appointment that there was a lab error and that I will need to come back in the next day to redraw my blood. My estradiol was 36, my LH was 17, and my FSH was 40. Let me tell you for those of you who aren't aware of what these numbers mean...that FSH of 40 is VERY BAD. So, I go in the next day and the redraw my blood...only to find out that it was not lab error. My FSH on this day is now 41. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

December 2008 - The month of December is really where the floor just fell out from beneath me. We come to find out that I am in Premature Ovarian Failure. The FSH level was that of a 50-60 year old woman going through menopause. The only options left are Donor Egg or Adoption....WAIT! Hold up...I'm 29...menopause?...ovarian failure...WHAT!!!!

At this point of my story I really need to stop and thank my friend Katie, my mom & dad, my sisters, and of course my husband Brian. I couldn't have gotten through to this point without each and every one of you. Thank you for always being there for me when I need to cry, or scream, or just wonder why me. Thank you for always understanding.

So, that brings us to...

January 19, 2009 - Donor Egg Consult...Brian & I both decided that this was the best option for us at this point in our lives. We also decided that because I am very lucky to have 3 beautiful sisters that we would ask one of them to be our donor.

February 5, 2009 - We had a Milazzo Family meeting and we asked my little sister Mackenzie to be our donor. I couldn't ask for a more loving and understanding family. Mackenzie said yes and we will forever be indebted to her for this gift.

So now here we are March 13, 2009, I feel that I have written too much in this post already. The Donor Egg talk is a bit of a process so I will write about it more tomorrow.