Thoughts...

I recently received a really thoughtful message on Facebook from a friend, Maria Bournas. I met Maria a few years ago. She is best friends with my friend, Deana Tokarz. I only really see Maria when we come together for events with Deana, you know, jewelry parties, showers, etc.. but I really wanted to share her note. Maria, thank you for your message. I can't even begin to tell you how touched I am by your kindness!

Me & Deana

Deana & Maria
(I couldn't find one of all three of us!)

Here is her message:

Hey Rachel,
I saw your blog, and think it's great! My cousin went through IVF (she now has 4yr old triplets!!!) Anyway, I came across this poem that she had and thought you would enjoy it. I wish you and Brian the best of luck in your journey, I think you'll make great parents.

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books,
but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.
I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body, I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
I listen.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immerse power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

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I know that many of you who read this blog are women who were able to conceive without much effort and I hope that you didn't take this poem the wrong way. In no way did I post this in order to make anyone feel bad. I wanted to share this poem because it really struck a cord with me. Throughout this process, I have had a lot going on in my head. I guess this poem helped me, just a little bit more, to realize that everything is going to work out the way it is supposed to. This poem is right...I have hurt, I have endured, I have learned to appreciate life...I will be a mother and a wonderful one at that.